How Soon Should You Have Sex

When you first began to date, your mother warned you of the consequences of letting a boy 'take advantage' of you. You'd instantly have a reputation for being easy. Boys only wanted to marry girls who were 'pure', blahblahblah....

Now you're around 50 years old and single. You meet a guy who seems sincere, intelligent, doesn't wear a toupee and has his own teeth. He asks you out. You accept. How long do you wait before you...become intimate? Personally, I've always had a 3 date rule; not because one night stands just seem seedy to me (I am the Virgin and I must set an example), but at our age, these things take planning. Did he fill his 'script for the "magic blue pill." Do you still own a pair of lacy undergarments? Most importantly, is this guy worth getting undressed for? Not because you're ashamed of your body...you're just exhausted from all this planning. In the midst of all this planning, if he says, "C'mon baby...It's okay. After all, we're both adults", the search for pretty panties comes to a screeching halt. Its obvious now that there is only one adult present, and it certainly isn't him. Why do some men have to go and spoil everything with a juvenile line like that? I am convinced that my beloved Casanova was the first man to utter the phrase, making him The Jackass, ruler over all other jackasses...which describes most of the male population.

So, how long should you wait before having sex with your new man? As long as you damn well please. At least until he stops braying.

Virgin..... What a pant load.... I mean an adult diaper full, pant load... I tend to agree with the great Comedian/Philsopher Sam Kinison when he said "I believe you should take (the woman ) out, take them home, f*** 'em, cum on their back, steal $30 or $40 out of their purse, crawl out the window, and never call them again. Leave them sticky, broke and confused and see how they f*****' like it." Around the age of 50, how many good sex years are you going to have left? If you followed the Virgin's advice, bats would be flying out of it like a cave before she ever had sex. You would also have to knock the cobwebs off it..."Pretty undergarments" are not a requirement. You are not on your first honeymoon. Don't wear any undergarments at all and expedite the process. Around the age of 50, being an adult is not the issue. Getting some "nookie" is. Bring a friend (a female friend), break out the porn, the sex toys, or whatever else it takes.... You can worry about the "relationship" later. You might as well know up front if they are any good in bed or not.... Make sure they have their teeth in, their wig is on straight, and their fake boobs (and possibly fake ass-nothing is real any more) are matching in size... Nothing ruins a relationship like bad sex and I doubt your partner is going to get any better over time.... They may not have much of it left... The one, the only, Casanova.

What's My Age Again?

The Virgin and I were discussing the other day "age difference" when it comes to dating. I have dated younger women as well as older women and there is definitely a difference. I have dated women that were 25 years younger than me (that was once, a blind date, and a flaming disaster- my underwear had more life experience than she did) and one woman I dated was 20 years younger than me and that lasted about six weeks. She was semi-mature, it was fun while it lasted, but after the thrill of the sex was gone, I figured out we had nothing in common. She ended up marrying a guy 18 years older than she was. One of my female friends is dating someone who is 30 years younger than she is. She is 53. She told me he took her to see a theatrical production and I asked her if it was at Chuckie Cheese's. I couldn't help myself. Who doesn't love a good game of skeeball? What a younger person, male or female, sees in a person with that much of an age difference is beyond me. When it comes to the younger women, is it "Daddy issues"? Do they want a "sugar daddy"? Do they want "experience"? What do you think Virgin?

Chuckie Cheese's???? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, Cas, that's a good one!

When I was younger (just like, yesterday!) I was guilty of dating older men. The average age difference was about 10 years, because most of the boys I knew were just....idiots. A serious conversation usually consisted of how much Jagermeister they could drink until they passed out. Or the best sexual experience they'd had. Oh, it was completely mesmerizing... so intriguing that I had to excuse myself to the ladies room and climbed out of the window. The first time I dated an older guy, there was a 5 year age difference. Unfortunately, he thought we were the same age: 22. I was actually 17. Such a shame...he was so cute. Once I was no longer a threat to a guy's trip to jail and a "girlfriend" named Bubba, I still had very little interest in boys my age. I was a model, had a decent education, and had heard every baby-boy line in existence. I guess being bored is an attractive look. The first man I went out with held my attention for hours. His kiss goodnight didn't involve drool dripping off my chin. And he didn't try to get in my pants on the first date. After that, I was hooked on older men. In my 30's, I made 2 exceptions--one kid was a surfer only a couple of years younger than I was, but...um...no. The other guy was one of the sweetest men I'd ever met. He was adorable, treated me like the goddess I didn't realize I was AND had a fantastic job. He was 10 years younger. I couldn't get the age difference out of my mind and I ended up breaking it off. One of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. There is a point, a very fine line--oh hell, its a line as thick as lips injected with too much silicone--when a woman enters the Cougar Years. Some women can get away with it. Then there are those ladies who have obviously put on their makeup without bifocals. And the Jagermeister guyd were still lurking, waiting to pounce on these ladies with the famous "I love older women...they have so much...experience." Seriously, if a guy needs grandma to share her experience with him, ther's only one thing to say about him: Jackass.

Men, however, behave in a completely different way. If approached by a younger woman (we'll just assume a lot younger), of course the guy will be flattered. If she sticks around for a week or two, he might even begin to revert back to his grunting and pounding of chest instincts. Just before he scratches his ass like the other neanderthals he's hanging around with, he glances over to see his little sweetiemaking out with the guitarist from the live band. Yeah, I have to agree with Cas...what the hell do women or men talk about when the age difference is almost a generation? If the relationship lasts, will you find yourself screaming, "Turn off that crap!" only to have her answer in that dare-me teen voice, "Its not crap, Daddy-o. Its music." That's when its time for Chuckie Cheese's.

The Making Of A Jackass

Jackass. That is the Virgin's pet name for me. She says it comes out of Christian love. That made me think (always a dangerous thing) of what makes me a jackass. Casanova was the "alter ego" I created for myself when I lived in Charlotte several years ago. None of the women I met wanted to go out with the "nice guy." The character of "Casanova" began as a social experiment. He lived to go drinking, spend all of his spare time in strip clubs and Hooter's, and chase women all night long. All of the women were drawn to my sleazy character of Casanova. Women suddenly wanted to be with me (him) and guys wanted to be me (him). If I found a woman I really wanted to go out with, I turned into the nice guy. That usually ended in dismal failure. The sleazy character of Casanova was much more in demand. These women thought they could change me and that challenge seemed to be irresistable. It is my conclusion that women made me the "Jackass" that I am today. I am your Frankenstein.

Cas, are you serious?? Frankenstein??? You know, I let the "keeping down the man" comment slide because it was our first post and didn't want to say the "J word" yet. But you brought this on yourself, Jackass. Having said that, I will admit you have some valid points, though the "nice syndrome" isn't exclusively a guy thing. I'd venture to say that most women have been accused of being "too nice" on occasion including me. I believe it's human nature to want what/who we can't have, but where do you draw the line between being too nice and being a glutton for punishment? I have to agree, women do like a challenge, but I think its more complex than just trying to change a self-proclaimed Casanova. Women are born to nurture and its our instinct to try and fix a Bad Boy. A guy who's too nice might be...well...boring to some women. However, developing an "alter ego" who is sleazy is a bit extreme. Then again, Cas, you are a bit extreme...Frankenstein? Really? Jackass.

Meet Casanova And The Virgin

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Casanova, the male half of the writing team of "Casanova and the Virgin." I can honestly say I do not think I have ever been paired up with a Virgin- for anything- much less a writing project. I try to surround myself with beautiful women (and the occasional old sow). They are more fun to be around and they occasionally give me some insight into how women think not to mention the fact that being seen with beautiful women can only enhance my reputation. I am more likely to be seen at a strip club in Charlotte than I am at a charity event. Most of my friends would say that strippers are my favorite charity. The poor women have to make some money to buy clothing somehow. Strippers just want my money and I can live with that. They do not want to change me and they do not require my blood, sweat, and tears. All they want are my singles and the occasional trip to the VIP Room. This blog is intended to be funny and take a light hearted look at male/female relationships from the viewpoint of the slightly male chauvinist pig (that would be me, Casanova) and the female "trying to keep the man down and not let him have a good time" (that would be the Virgin). We hope you enjoy!


Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...huh?Oh, it's my turn? Finally!! Wait a sec...let me open up a window...too much testosterone choking up the joint. Ah, that's soooo much better!! Dear Cas does have a certain essence... that lingers long after he has departed.

I am the Virgin! Defender of all that is decent and good for Womankind (well, maybe not quite decent, but always good)! I admit, "Virgin" is a bit of an overstatement, I'm about as pure as New York driven snow, BUT I have managed to escape the smarmy gropes of Casanovas. Momma said it's a Gift, but I think I have a sensitivity to bad aftershave.

Let me tell you, I've been paired up with some doozies, but this Casanova is completely off the charts! I thank Venus that I'm immune to his charm, I am Kryptonite to his Egomaniacal Force. I just want to ask one thing: Can I wear my tiara?