How Soon Should You Have Sex

When you first began to date, your mother warned you of the consequences of letting a boy 'take advantage' of you. You'd instantly have a reputation for being easy. Boys only wanted to marry girls who were 'pure', blahblahblah....

Now you're around 50 years old and single. You meet a guy who seems sincere, intelligent, doesn't wear a toupee and has his own teeth. He asks you out. You accept. How long do you wait before you...become intimate? Personally, I've always had a 3 date rule; not because one night stands just seem seedy to me (I am the Virgin and I must set an example), but at our age, these things take planning. Did he fill his 'script for the "magic blue pill." Do you still own a pair of lacy undergarments? Most importantly, is this guy worth getting undressed for? Not because you're ashamed of your body...you're just exhausted from all this planning. In the midst of all this planning, if he says, "C'mon baby...It's okay. After all, we're both adults", the search for pretty panties comes to a screeching halt. Its obvious now that there is only one adult present, and it certainly isn't him. Why do some men have to go and spoil everything with a juvenile line like that? I am convinced that my beloved Casanova was the first man to utter the phrase, making him The Jackass, ruler over all other jackasses...which describes most of the male population.

So, how long should you wait before having sex with your new man? As long as you damn well please. At least until he stops braying.

Virgin..... What a pant load.... I mean an adult diaper full, pant load... I tend to agree with the great Comedian/Philsopher Sam Kinison when he said "I believe you should take (the woman ) out, take them home, f*** 'em, cum on their back, steal $30 or $40 out of their purse, crawl out the window, and never call them again. Leave them sticky, broke and confused and see how they f*****' like it." Around the age of 50, how many good sex years are you going to have left? If you followed the Virgin's advice, bats would be flying out of it like a cave before she ever had sex. You would also have to knock the cobwebs off it..."Pretty undergarments" are not a requirement. You are not on your first honeymoon. Don't wear any undergarments at all and expedite the process. Around the age of 50, being an adult is not the issue. Getting some "nookie" is. Bring a friend (a female friend), break out the porn, the sex toys, or whatever else it takes.... You can worry about the "relationship" later. You might as well know up front if they are any good in bed or not.... Make sure they have their teeth in, their wig is on straight, and their fake boobs (and possibly fake ass-nothing is real any more) are matching in size... Nothing ruins a relationship like bad sex and I doubt your partner is going to get any better over time.... They may not have much of it left... The one, the only, Casanova.